“Be Not Afraid”
This topic of fear and how to not be afraid comes up often with my clients. You may ask what is fear? Fear is that awful feeling in the pit of your stomach when you have to do something you may not want to do or do want to do. For instance, if you want to get a new job and are afraid that you may not get it or the idea of even starting it frightens you. Fear can be stifling because you start doing all the “what if’s”. If you stay in the fear you will not move forward with your life. With the idea of fear comes the word change. Change is very scary for most people because it is the unknown. Most of do not like not knowing what is going to happen next.
Thus, we think we can control what is going to happen next. We can’t which is why some people do not change or do the things they want to in their life because of fear. What most people don’t realize that is every time you face your fear you grow and regardless of the outcome will feel better about having made a decision than have stayed in the same place wishing that your life was different.
At some point, you will need to decide how important it is for you to change and have the things you want in your life. This can be tricky because on one hand you can tell yourself that these are the things I want and then the excuses come into the play, the fear and anxiety start to rear its ugly head and then who wins for some it is fear. You say to yourself I am comfortable right here and it is not worth it for me to have these things or desires in my life because I don’t want to feel uncomfortable. The sad news is that you could be missing out on a lot of joy in your life.
Sometimes you just must think and say to yourself what do I have to lose? Why am I creating so much anxiety, worry and fear when I really want to do this? Or I really need to do this? It would make me so much happier if I could just do this? I have often said that we get in our own way of happiness because of these feelings. It takes a lot of patience and trust to change and truly believe that facing our fears will make us happy. Maybe not in the actual moment or the process of leading up to whatever it is that we are facing will be feel happy. It will be afterwards when we can sit back and reflect and say, “I am so proud of myself for facing my fears.”
I have started flying by myself to visit family in Florida about six years ago. I have mastered flying to Florida because I fly out of a small airport. I still may experience some anxiety beforehand but it is only about the process leading up to it. Once I am through security etc. I am fine. No anxiety and No fear. I am now embarking on a trip to California by myself to see an old college friend. I have some fear I must confess the thought of going to the Philly airport and having a connecting flight in Arizona before I arrive in San Diego all by myself is leaving me feeling quite unsettled. However, I absolutely need to go see my friend so as anxiety provoking and fearful this is making me as far as I am concerned I don’t have a choice except to go. I don’t want to be afraid and miss out on an amazing experience with my friend. So, I have been saying affirmations, visualizing how easily I will flow through the airport get my car and drive to her home, and having my GPS, directions and a faith and trust that I will be okay actually more than okay. I am very excited about this opportunity but more importantly I am already proud of myself for taking the risk and facing my fears because in the end life is too short to stay still and have regrets. So here is to a new adventure and personal growth!!