Hope and Gratitude

Posted on May 8, 2012 by Susan

It is so important to never lose hope.  With it all things are possible.  Sometimes we don’t even realize it when we are knee deep in our own stuff that if we were just feeling a little bit hopeful about the situation and life in general that our spirits would be lifted.  Hope doesn’t necessarily change everything but it helps us to feel less overwhelmed and trusting in the universe or God or whatever it is that we believe in.  Gratitude follows in line with hope.  With hope brings gratitude that our life is ours to live.  We are responsibility for our happiness not anyone else.  We need to grateful for what and who we have in our life regardless of whether or not it is negative.  I believe that our life experiences serve a purpose for us to learn and grow and become the best person we can be.  Hope and gratitude are essential to live and breathe and make life seem less complicated.  So trust and believe in your journey with all the hope and gratitude you can muster up!!!

Posted in the category Balance, Coping Skills, Feelings, Self-Care, Spirituality Tagged , , , , , |

Self-Care

Posted on May 1, 2012 by Susan

Hmmmmm…. where do we begin?  Some of us have been so accustomed to taking care of others that we do not even know what self-care means.  It means that you put yourself and your needs first when it comes to making a decision in your life.  Before saying “YES” and “Of Course I Can”  think about do I want to do this?  is this in my best interest?  why am I doing this?  is this true to me? am I looking for recognition or validation?  is it out of guilt? is it because it is what I always do?  am I afraid that they won’t like me? am I avoiding a confrontation?  What I have learned is that we often put others needs over our own because we feel obligated to them.  We are fearful of their rejection or criticism.   We are overly concerned about what others are going to think of us.  //But in the end we are really what matters.  Our wants and needs are just as important.  There are times when we help and support because it is the right thing to do even when we may not really want to do it.  That is different than putting others first and taking care of their responsibilities.  It takes time to master this skill of self-care.  But if you ask for help and you stop for a brief moment and ask yourself is this what I want to be doing?  How does this benefit me?  You will find yourself saying “NO” more often and feeling better about yourself.  Hopefully doing things with your time that are important to you.  So be well , be First in your life.

 

Posted in the category Balance

Getting Unstuck

Posted on April 11, 2012 by Susan

This topic comes up quite often with many of my clients, which is one of the main reasons that they seek counseling or life coaching. Sometimes we just don’t know why we can’t get unstuck and change our old self-destructive ways. It requires a lot of personal energy and a commitment to change. You need to develop a plan of action and set realistic goals for yourself. Most of us want that immediate gratification I want to feel better NOW!! I want to have the answers NOW!! I want to stop smoking NOW!!
I want to be thin NOW!! Unfortunately it does not work that way. We have to put the time and energy into making it happen. My belief is that as long as there is a desire to change eventually you will get unstuck and make those changes. Old habits are hard to break. Routines are difficult to change. Life happens. Some of us have more stressors in our life that inhibit change from happening as quickly as we would like it too. We need to pace ourselves and set appropriate limits and expectations. It is real easy to stay comfortable even if it is not what we want. So set a realistic goal and move towards getting unstuck. Think of the positive benefits of change and believe that you are capable of changing!!!!

Posted in the category Balance, Coping Skills, Counseling, Goal-Setting, Self-Care Tagged , , , , , , , , |

Trusting the Process

Posted on March 13, 2012 by Susan

Wow where do I start on trust?  The journey that we are on in our lives.  We make choices and decisions in hopes that they are the “right” ones and in our best interest.  The problem arises when our logic and emotion become intertwined.  Logically we may tell ourselves this is what I need to do but our emotions may tell us otherwise.  It is important to ask yourself what is your goal? or what is it that you want to accomplish? and to the best of your ability trust your instincts.  This can also be difficult if this is not something you have mastered about yourself.  The best thing you can do is talk to someone you trust so that you can process what it is that you are feeling and clarify what it is that you want to be the end result.  There are some things that are completely out of our hands speaking spiritually.  So that is where the trust comes in.  Believe in yourself, your journey, your feelings and your choices and decisions.  If for some reason they may have been “wrong”  the lesson will soon present itself for you again, unfortunately!!! But that is life.  We all grown and learn at different paces in our lives.  So trust where you are going by being true to who you are and making decisions/choices that speak to who you are as a person.

Posted in the category Balance, Coping Skills, Counseling, Feelings, Goal-Setting, Self-Care, Spirituality Tagged , , , , , , |

So how are you doing?

Posted on February 28, 2012 by Susan

The question is related to the goals that you may have set for yourself this year.  I have to say that I have been quite diligent in working towards my professional goals for this year.  I made a commitment to do more marketing and developing professional relationships.  I have made two contacts per week in person and have signed up for events and utilizing new marketing materials.  So far so good.  The nice things about goals is that they can provide direction and in the end validation for you.  The point is to keep them simple and manageable for you.  And when you know yourself well and are able to ask others what they think than you have an honest foundation for personal growth.  So be as consistent as possible with your goals and regardless of the outcome you will learn about yourself and be a SUCCESS!!

Posted in the category Coaching, Goal-Setting, Self-Care Tagged , , , , , , |

Time

Posted on February 8, 2012 by Susan

Where has all the time gone? I seemed to have lost a lot of “time” with the holidays. Unfortunately there are others out there that probably can relate to this whole issue. Where did the time go? It goes by quickly. One week turns into the next and than it becomes a month and now we are in February all ready. So I decided that I needed to get back on track with the things that are important to me in my life. Every year in the beginning weeks I write down what my goals are for the year. However I ask myself different questions. From the book Language of Letting Go there are several questions to ask yourself. I answer each question and than I break down each one into steps of how I can achieve these goals. I tend to look at what is happening in my life that I want to better and how can I improve them. I encourage my clients to look at different ways to set goals related to weight loss or smoking cigarettes or even drugs and alcohol. By making a statement that I want to be more healthy and feel better about myself. So the next obvious question would be what does that mean for me. If you want to lose weight you would frame your answer to state I want to eat three balanced meals a day and exercise at least 3 days a week for the first month and so on. If smoking if your struggle, the steps to take could be being aware of when you smoke and why you smoke and write in a journal, take a walk, etc. If you re-frame your goals they do not seem to be the traditional goals that most of my clients fear setting because what if they fail. By framing it in a positive way you will see more progress thus success not failure. So for the next 12 posts take time to answer these questions.

Remember there are no wrong answers.

Posted in the category Balance Tagged , , , , , |

Self-defeating Thoughts

Posted on January 23, 2012 by Susan

Sometimes our perceptions of ourselves can get “out of balance”.  On days when we are feeling confident, we have strong beliefs about who we are, our work and our relationships with others.  We tend to not let the little things bother us.  However on those other days when we just don’t feel good about ourselves, it can make for a very long day.   Those are the days when calling a friend or colleague can really help.  Since they know you so well they can help you figure out why you are being so hard on yourself and possibly offer some solutions on what you can change.  But best of all is that they remind you just how wonderful you are!!!  When no one is available writing in a journal can be very helpful just getting out your thoughts and feelings.  Reading a daily meditation book allows you to not feel so all alone and validates that others have struggled with the same issues of self-doubt.    It is important to not allow yourself to stay in a thoughts of criticism and judgment.  Figure out what you can do to make yourself feel better.  You may have to take a walk at lunch if possible, go to the gym after work or just find a quiet place to just sit and breathe.  Know that all of us have times when we can be hyper critical of ourselves.  The key is to acknowledge our feelings and take responsibility for how we deal with them and than make a plan to improve our attitude.  It may feel like it takes a lot of energy to do it but once you start you will feel a whole lot better.  Trust that you change your thoughts!!

Posted in the category Balance, Coping Skills, Feelings, Goal-Setting, Self-Care

Goals Give Us Direction – 11

Posted on January 14, 2012 by Susan

Now that you have answered these goals, it is important to make your goals realistic and reasonable. It can be helpful to place a time frame such as within one month, three months. You do not need to focus on specific dates unless that is your personality or the specific goal requires a specific date. For example, if you wanted to enroll in a college class you will need to know the cut off date to sign up for class. Your specific date would need to be one week prior so that you can be assured to get the class.

Goals are not about success or failure. Goals are about finding direction in your life. Goals are about creating possibilities for yourself. Goals are about facing your fears and taking risks.

Posted in the category Goal-Setting Tagged , , |

Goals Give Us Direction – 10

Posted on January 13, 2012 by Susan

Question #10: What would you like to happen in your career?

Goal: I would like to become more involved in work events. Steps to be taken: I will discuss with my supervisor within one month establishing a new role in the company. I will attend monthly events as a volunteer to demonstrate my commitment. I will develop a monthly calendar with events and highlight ways that showcase how this role would be beneficial for the company.

Goal: If you are self-employed and want more clients. Steps to be taken: I will review my marketing techniques and determine what is or isn’t working. I will begin to market more aggressively. I will follow up with previous clients. I will join a chamber to get my name out there and attend meetings regularly.

Remember to expand your mind…. Look outside of the box……. See the bigger picture…….

Posted in the category Career Coaching, Goal-Setting Tagged , , |

Goals Give Us Direction – 9

Posted on January 12, 2012 by Susan

Question #9: What decisions would you like to make?

Be as specific as possible. If you want to go to college or go to work. If you want to leave your marriage. If you want to change your career.

If you choose college. I will make a decision about whether or not I want to go to college. Steps to be taken: I will journal daily about my feelings about school. I will write list of pros and cons. I will talk to my close friends and family about this decision. I will research local colleges and within 1-3 months I will make an appointment to talk to someone about attendance.

If you choose marriage. I will make a decision about my commitment to my marriage. Steps to be taken: I will talk to my one of my closest friends about this issue for their feedback. I will write down my reasons for wanting to end my marriage. I will contact a professional within one month to talk about my feelings about my marriage to gain some clarity.

Decisions are never easy to make. The clearer you can be about them and what the real issues are behind it will help you make your decisions. If you have someone you trust who truly knows you this will also be helpful for you. It is always recommended to contact a professional when making major decisions in your life. They are objective and detached from the situation whereas you have an investment.

Posted in the category Career Coaching, Goal-Setting Tagged , , |