Life in Balance

Time

Susan — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 16:28:35 +0000

Where has all the time gone? I seemed to have lost a lot of “time” with the holidays. Unfortunately there are others out there that probably can relate to this whole issue. Where did the time go? It goes by quickly. One week turns into the next and than it becomes a month and now we are in February all ready. So I decided that I needed to get back on track with the things that are important to me in my life. Every year in the beginning weeks I write down what my goals are for the year. However I ask myself different questions. From the book Language of Letting Go there are several questions to ask yourself. I answer each question and than I break down each one into steps of how I can achieve these goals. I tend to look at what is happening in my life that I want to better and how can I improve them. I encourage my clients to look at different ways to set goals related to weight loss or smoking cigarettes or even drugs and alcohol. By making a statement that I want to be more healthy and feel better about myself. So the next obvious question would be what does that mean for me. If you want to lose weight you would frame your answer to state I want to eat three balanced meals a day and exercise at least 3 days a week for the first month and so on. If smoking if your struggle, the steps to take could be being aware of when you smoke and why you smoke and write in a journal, take a walk, etc. If you re-frame your goals they do not seem to be the traditional goals that most of my clients fear setting because what if they fail. By framing it in a positive way you will see more progress thus success not failure. So for the next 12 posts take time to answer these questions.

Remember there are no wrong answers.

Self-defeating Thoughts

Susan — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 19:13:11 +0000

Sometimes our perceptions of ourselves can get “out of balance”. On days when we are feeling confident, we have strong beliefs about who we are, our work and our relationships with others. We tend to not let the little things bother us. However on those other days when we just don’t feel good about ourselves, it can make for a very long day. Those are the days when calling a friend or colleague can really help. Since they know you so well they can help you figure out why you are being so hard on yourself and possibly offer some solutions on what you can change. But best of all is that they remind you just how wonderful you are!!! When no one is available writing in a journal can be very helpful just getting out your thoughts and feelings. Reading a daily meditation book allows you to not feel so all alone and validates that others have struggled with the same issues of self-doubt. It is important to not allow yourself to stay in a thoughts of criticism and judgment. Figure out what you can do to make yourself feel better. You may have to take a walk at lunch if possible, go to the gym after work or just find a quiet place to just sit and breathe. Know that all of us have times when we can be hyper critical of ourselves. The key is to acknowledge our feelings and take responsibility for how we deal with them and than make a plan to improve our attitude. It may feel like it takes a lot of energy to do it but once you start you will feel a whole lot better. Trust that you change your thoughts!!

Goals Give Us Direction – 11

Susan — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 16:51:27 +0000

Now that you have answered these goals, it is important to make your goals realistic and reasonable. It can be helpful to place a time frame such as within one month, three months. You do not need to focus on specific dates unless that is your personality or the specific goal requires a specific date. For example, if you wanted to enroll in a college class you will need to know the cut off date to sign up for class. Your specific date would need to be one week prior so that you can be assured to get the class.

Goals are not about success or failure. Goals are about finding direction in your life. Goals are about creating possibilities for yourself. Goals are about facing your fears and taking risks.

Goals Give Us Direction – 10

Susan — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 16:49:54 +0000

Question #10: What would you like to happen in your career?

Goal: I would like to become more involved in work events. Steps to be taken: I will discuss with my supervisor within one month establishing a new role in the company. I will attend monthly events as a volunteer to demonstrate my commitment. I will develop a monthly calendar with events and highlight ways that showcase how this role would be beneficial for the company.

Goal: If you are self-employed and want more clients. Steps to be taken: I will review my marketing techniques and determine what is or isn’t working. I will begin to market more aggressively. I will follow up with previous clients. I will join a chamber to get my name out there and attend meetings regularly.

Remember to expand your mind…. Look outside of the box……. See the bigger picture…….

Goals Give Us Direction – 9

Susan — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 16:48:25 +0000

Question #9: What decisions would you like to make?

Be as specific as possible. If you want to go to college or go to work. If you want to leave your marriage. If you want to change your career.

If you choose college. I will make a decision about whether or not I want to go to college. Steps to be taken: I will journal daily about my feelings about school. I will write list of pros and cons. I will talk to my close friends and family about this decision. I will research local colleges and within 1-3 months I will make an appointment to talk to someone about attendance.

If you choose marriage. I will make a decision about my commitment to my marriage. Steps to be taken: I will talk to my one of my closest friends about this issue for their feedback. I will write down my reasons for wanting to end my marriage. I will contact a professional within one month to talk about my feelings about my marriage to gain some clarity.

Decisions are never easy to make. The clearer you can be about them and what the real issues are behind it will help you make your decisions. If you have someone you trust who truly knows you this will also be helpful for you. It is always recommended to contact a professional when making major decisions in your life. They are objective and detached from the situation whereas you have an investment.

Goals Give Us Direction – 8

Susan — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 16:46:52 +0000

Question #8: What problems would you like to see solved?

You can answer it literally. If you are having emotional or financial problems. You would write clearly. I would like to be financially stable. Steps to be taken. I will itemize all my bills and when they are due. I will write list of incoming money,etc. I will keep daily list of monies spent. I will make a schedule of bills to address first in priority. I will contact financial advisor if needed.

If you think more globally. I would like the environment to be greener. Steps to be taken. I will investigate policies on GREEN and what group or function I would like to be involved in. I will contact this group within a month. I will begin to practice how to be more green.

And so on…..

Goals Give Us Direction – 7

Susan — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 16:44:28 +0000

Question #7: Where would you like to go?

This can be answered quite literally. If you would like to go on a vacation. If you would like to visit family in another state. If you would like to attend a sporting event or concert.

I would like to go on a cruise. Steps to be taken: I will contact local travel agent to find out specials. I will look on-line to find the best deal. I will ask friends and family if they went on a cruise and their experience. I will determine best time and book the cruise.

I would like to go a Bruce Springsteen concert. Steps to be taken: I will find out on-line when he is in concert. I will look at my schedule to find out best time. I will save $$$ if necessary to attend concert.

This is a pretty simple goal. The difficulty may be in being able to afford the trip and/or fitting it in your schedule. The most important thing is that you are planning something that you want to do and if it doesn’t happen this year you know that next year it will or is a possibility anyway.

Goals Give Us Direction – 6

Susan — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 16:42:57 +0000

Question # 6:What would you like to have happen in your friendship, family, love and work?

I break each one down. For example: Friendship; The goal would be I would like to spend more time with my friends. The steps I could take would be: I will call my friends once a week. I will make plans with my friends at least once a month. I will plan a day trip with my friend.

Family: If you have more than one family member, I normally set a goal for each one.

For example: I want to be closer to my brother. The steps I could take would be: I will call him at least once a week. I will tell him how I feel about our relationship. I will send him an email if I can not call him. I will make plans with him at least once a month.

Love: I want to be more honest with my partner about my feelings. The steps to be taken could be: I will write down what issues I am having with my partner. I will share these feelings with my partner at least once a week. I will spend more intimate time with my partner.

Work: I want to make more money. The steps to be taken could be: I will ask my boss for a raise. I will find out if there are any higher positions. I will research what steps I need to take for career advancement. I will talk to employers for possible overtime and job openings.

The more specific you can be about what you would like the better able to identify the steps to achieve these goals which makes them realistic and attainable thus setting up SUCCESS.

Goals Give Us Direction – 5

Susan — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 16:41:38 +0000

Question #5: What blocks or character defects would you like to be removed?

Blocks can be defined as fears, insecurities, virtues and beliefs. Character defects can be defined as impatience, judgmental, critical, perfectionism, controlling, being hard on yourself. Block and/or character defects are those things about yourself that you do not like that create problems for you in your daily interactions with others.

If you choose Impatience. The goal would be: I will learn patience. The steps to be taken could be: I will write down those things that create feelings of impatience. I will exercise 3-4 times a week to reduce stress. I will breathe slowly. I will stop what I am doing to not react.

If you choose Critical. The goal could be: I will learn to be kinder to myself and others. The steps to be taken could be: I will practice gratitude. I will pray for acceptance. I will think before I speak.

These require some deeper introspection and creativity in resolution.

Goals Give Us Direction – 4

Susan — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 16:39:48 +0000

Question #4: What particular areas of growth would you like to have happen to you?

This question requires some personal introspection on your part. You can actually break this question into Personal, Social, Emotional, Familial, Psychological, Mental, Spiritual, ETC. So do you think you are growing emotionally or do you tend to be impulsive, immature and reactive in your responses. So your goal would be Emotional: I would like to learn how to better express my feelings. What steps are necessary to attain that goal. I will identify and list problem areas that I have with my emotions. I will ask others for their feedback. I will develop a list of what I can do differently in a more mature and appropriate manner.

If your goal is to grow Spiritually: I would like to know how to become more spiritual. The steps I can take could be. I will define what spirituality is for me. I will ask others what it means to be spiritual or religious. I will research other religions and nationalities. I will read a book on spirituality.

So you can see where I am going. There are so many different ways we can look at ourselves and our life and what we would like to be different for us this year that needs resolution.