Posted by Susan V. Brewer in Balance, Coping Skills, Counseling, Feelings, Relationships, Self-Care 25 Sep 2016

Regrets we all have them whether we like it or not.. Regrets are the “would of” “could of” and the infamous “should of”. We may think about things from our present and past and wish that we had just handled it differently. If only we hadn’t said those negative things to someone we cared about, if only we didn’t stay in that relationship for such a long time, if only we had gone to college our life would be so much better financially, if only we had children we might feel more fulfilled in our life, and the list could go on and on. The “what if’s” can be very scary and overwhelming for us if we hold on to them for too long and let’s just say wallow in our regrets.
Regrets I believe are just part of life they can make us stronger or weaker depending upon how we look at them and what role they have played in our life and why does that certain regret keep rearing its ugly head years later. One of the reasons I picked this topic was because I myself am in a place of feelings regrets and wishing that I could change some of the decisions that I have made within the last few years. What I realize is that even though I am a therapist and I know better on many levels I am still very much human. My life is relatable to others I just professionally help people with their problems so that they can feel better about themselves.
I take great pride in the fact that I practice what I teach or preach to my clients. I process my problems and feelings with colleagues, friends and family members in a similar fashion that my clients will do in their sessions with me and after they leave our sessions. So even with my practice I don’t want to have regrets. I do my best to provide my clients with the best care, knowledge and advice so they can achieve their goals. So with the regrets that I am experiencing right now the great thing is that I can change what I am doing now so that I do not have to have these same regrets. There are obviously things we cannot change or we wouldn’t have regrets; however now that we know we can change the present to not have regrets about what we have done in the past. Let’s hope that made sense….
We can choose to beat ourselves up and analyze all those regrets or we can choose to forgive ourselves for not knowing any better or because we didn’t want to have conflict or because we didn’t want to feel rejection…. Any number of reasons. But the key thing here is to forgive ourselves and figure out what we need to do now to not feel this way and wish that we had done things differently. Sometimes we don’t know while we are in the experience that we will have regrets, because what we are doing in that moment serves its purpose whatever that is for us. If we could go back in time and say I “should have known” better or I “knew better”, it really doesn’t matter because we can’t change it. It is about how we cope in our lives and how we live our lives that impact the choices and decisions we make today, as well as family dynamics and old messages in our head that influence us.
It is not always cut and dry when it comes to having regrets. Regrets are just part of life but they can only be a piece of our life if we forgive and move forward with our present day. Not all regrets have to be big they can be small so start out with what is bothering you and that feels manageable that you can handle right now to forgive and change how your routine will be today. For me just knowing that my life will be different provides a sense of calm and balance for me. And for that I will not have any regrets. You can only change what you know now….

Susan V. Brewer

Susan V. Brewer is a Certified Life Coach and Psychotherapist in the Upper Bucks County Area.  She graduated in 1987 from Kutztown University with a BS in Criminal Justice and Sociology. She became a Certified Life & Career Coach in June of 2006 and a Certified Relationship Coach in December of 2016. She specializes in adoption, codependency, relationship issues, substance abuse, self-esteem and life transitions. Her belief is “that all persons are truly greater than they think they are.”

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